I Can't Be a Narcissist Because I Have No Flaws

I don’t even know where to begin on this one. I used to watch some of these shows when I was younger, and I can’t imagine a less appropriate term to describe them than reality. It seems to me that after a long day dealing with stress and drama, the last thing a person would want to do is sit down to watch other peoples’ problems. I don’t know, maybe it offers some kind of relief that Paris Hilton couldn’t find a cute outfit for her dog either. My biggest problem with these shows it that a good majority of them glamorize very undesirable traits. The average reality show follows a famous person or family as they go about their day-to-day activities. Most of the ratings come from scenes were people are especially nasty or cruel to one another. I mentioned Paris Hilton before because she is one of the biggest culprits. She is famous for being a shallow, vapid individual whose pampered life has seen no disappointment save for when she reaches the bottom of a bottle of José Cuervo. She’s an oversized ego walking around in an undersized holocaust-skinny body who has the gall to star in shows called my new bff (apparently she can’t find friends in the real world) and the Simple Life, where she bitches and moans about doing work that millions of people already do for a living.

Of course, the worst of these so-called shows are the dating ones. I’m not talking about The Bachelor. I’m talking about shows like Rock of Love, or A Shot at Love, or Flavor of Love. What exactly is the flavor of love? In flava-flav’s case it’s probably a mixture of stripper’s perfume and penicillin.

Only an idiot would believe that these shows are unscripted and that these people actually fall in love. And again, it begs the question, who.gives.a.fuck. Tila Tequilla could blow a horse and I still wouldn’t watch it because she is a talentless media-whore. Much like every other person who has ever been in a reality show. This fad has gone way too far. I can honestly say that I’d rather watch two girls one cup for an hour than anything on MTV or VH1. All these shows do is glamorize fighting and drama. Some of them don’t even have a point or a plot, like the Real Housewives series. What in the name of King Arthur is that show about? If I wanted to watch a bunch of women squeal about their lives I would watch the View.

The real weakest links here are the writers that invent these awful programs. It makes me wish that I had put more effort into inventing a time machine, so I could go back in time and personally abort each one of them. One final comment: cooking, is not dramatic television. All these cooking competition shows can take their kitchen, and go back down to hell. Then at least there will be some reality in the title Hell’s Kitchen.

(Edit) So, in the time between when I started writing this and before I finished it, I actually watched an episode of Jersey Shore. It was so awful, that I insisted that I go back and add this before this went out. Even though there will be more new reality television shows, I am confident in saying that Jersey Shore is the most worthless, horrific, and contentless piece of shit that is or will ever be in the air. It’s so bad that the word contentless was invented solely to describe its lack of anything of value. It makes me so angry that even thinking about what the pitch meeting was like for that show gives me diarrhea and an aneurism-two things you don’t want at the same time. Or at all. If you watch that show, I hate you. In fact, even if you accidentally flipped to that show while it was on I hate you. I hate myself for watching it. I hate everyone involved in the show, even the makeup girl. I don’t care if she is new to town and trying to get her foot in the door, I hate her.

Fuck, television is depressing.