I Can't Be a Narcissist Because I Have No Flaws

Given the content of this one, I'd like everyone to suspend their disbelief and just ignore the fact that this is hypocritical. So i guess in this case I am making fun of myself a bit too.

Let me just start by asking a question. If the answer is yes, just nod your head. I know, I won’t be able to see it but we’ll go by the honor rule. If you are in high school or college, everyone you know has a Facebook. You should all be nodding. If you are a young adult in your twenties, most of the people you know have a Facebook. Still should be nodding. If you are forty or over and you have a Facebook you are an unwelcomed creep and should never have made a Facebook in the first place because you are way too old. You probably aren’t even reading this if you are over forty but hey, on the off chance you navigated to this site by mistake or your kid left this page up I’ll say this anyway: If you are over forty and have a Facebook you must delete it immediately because it is a young man’s game. Old people on Facebook are fucking weird. And speaking of weird, what is with that little hand icon that’s next to everything. You know the one you can click to say you like something. That is creepy as hell. Your friend’s second cousin updates her status saying she’s listening to Nickleback, and here you come creeping along: I like that. Click. How is she supposed to respond to that. Oh, this guy I met one time and can hardly fucking remember likes that I am listening to Nickleback. Wonderful. I just think that’s creepy. At least put forth the energy to send her a message saying you like it. How lazy are we as a people when we show our appreciation through the click of a mouse.

On a much sadder and more rhetorical note, what has happened to facebook? When facebook started, it was just your picture and the wall. It was so simple, and useful too. You could see the other person’s picture and send them a friendly greeting or message, and they would get back to you. It was new and exciting and everyone was happy. Then, the facebook creators discovered that they liked money. In fact, they liked money so much, that they sold out to advertisers, and programmers who make facebook applications, or anyone else who wanted to stick their dirty finger in the facebook pie ( In this metaphor, facebook is a sweet desert. Probably pumpkin but it doesn’t really matter). The bumper sticker was the end result of the additions. This stupid, misguided attempt at user individuality stained facebook with millions upon millions of idiotic cultural pieces of flair that people put up on their page to express themselves. They were almost always tacky and made me feel like I was in a constant state of hearing the punch-line of an awful joke.

And fuck farmville.

As bad as bumper stickers are, the worst, the absolute worst thing that ruined facebook, has been the increasing popularity of facebook statuses. It used to be that the status option was limited to a few choices—all having to do with location. Either you were at school, work, the library, a party or some other location. Its only point was to tell people where you were at any given moment. Kind of creepy, but at least it was simple. That’s my buzz word folks: simplicity. Today, people use status for information that nobody should care about. For example, I don’t need to know that your feet hurt today after wearing heels last night. I don’t care. I’ll never care. Also, I don’t want to read about how in love these guys are with their girlfriends. That sappy love stuff should not be posted online. They’re probably just happy that someone found it reasonable to date them. It’s disgusting, I hate you and your girlfriend, I hope she dumps you and fucks Tom from Myspace.