The Real Beginning
12:10 PM | 
Posted by
HitpasComedy |
When beginning an epic million-copy-selling farce of the entire world, it’s important to take the time to force your writing style down the readers’ throats early on so that they know what to expect. You see, writing is really no different from any other business. The material itself can suck major donkey, but it’s all about how it’s marketed. Hopefully I do a decent job at this so that someday I’ll have some big shot agent out shaking hands and kissing asses trying to get this prose plastered on every bookstore shelf or bargain bin in the country. I just need a scheme to get more followers on here. Here are some ideas I have so far:
- Changing the title of the blog to Jessica Alba Nude
- Begging my friends to invite more people
- Joining everyone else's blog and guilting them into following mine ( might pan-out actually)
I suppose it is only fair to illustrate at least some idea of my purpose in all of this. I wouldn’t want you to get into it and discover that this is a whiny, self-reflexive memoir of my summers spent in the fields of Tuscany. Besides, I think people who operate blogs just to talk about their boring lives should be shot. No, instead of talking about myself, I thought I would talk about all of you. Because nothing makes people more uncomfortable then when someone points out a bunch of flaws in society and connects them to people’s personal lives. The only thing that makes people more uncomfortable is when someone confronts them about their religious beliefs (which I may do). The posts to follow will be a collection of ideas, theories and practices that hopefully will make you aware of everything that is wrong with you and how you can make it right. And if I were reading this, I would ask myself a couple of questions.
Q. Why Tim? What gives you the authority to look down on people and pass judgment? Are you perfect?
A. Yes. I am. Didn’t you read the title of the blog?
Q. So you think you are better than the common man.
A. Don’t take it personally. I don’t think I am better than you, just that I know certain things which gives me an advantage. Things I want to pass on to everyone.
Q. I get it. You want to share your knowledge selflessly with the people so that their souls and brains might be saved from corruption. You’re like Jesus.
A. Yes, that seems to be correct.
Q. Would you say that you are better than Jesus.
A. Well I wouldn’t go that far. I’m not some omnipotent guru with all the answers. I’m just an active human being who doesn’t sit in acquiescence while the world butt fucks him on a daily basis. The problem I have is not that there are stupid people in this country; it’s that there are a lot of ignorant fucks in this country. You have to recognize what is going on around you in this world. You can’t just sit and scratch your nuts your entire life.
Q. I see. Well let’s get on with it then.
A. Agreed.
-Stay tuned you meek few who read this. I, your hero, shall protect you.
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